omg. love.

I got my dress!!!! :D

It's here if you're interested!

It's NOT the first dress! It's the 2nd one. :]
I love it. It's like a wedding gown and a party dress had a cute little baby for me!

DO NOT SHOW BAILEY OR I WILL END YOU.
lol 'end you'.. but seriously. I will.


Anyway, wedding stuff is starting to all come together! :D

Maddox is insane. All the time. AND he's definitely already started the 'terrible twos'... before 18 months.. ugh. He's so damn cute though. GAHHHH

Bailey and I are awesome. I like him. He can stay.

Stuff with Mema is getting really hard again.. but at least now it's not because she's mean. The hostility has passed totally, now it's just how bad her memory has gotten & she is so weak & feeble now. She cant do anything by herself anymore. That includes bathroom stuff. :[ It's so sad. The day is quickly approaching that a nursing home will become a necessity but for now we are holding out as long as we can. Her mind is still there enough that it would kill her if we did it right now.

I've been seeing a therapist for a couple of months & I think it has helped me alot. I'm also taking Paxil now and it makes me SO tired during the day but it has definitely helped me out alot and in turn, helped out everyone around me, especially Bailey. Everything is much more pleasant now! Poor guy. I dont know how he deals with me most of the time. :[ But he does, and he is amazing.

Ok, I'm shutting up now. Maddox is going through my purse. Bye.

After 26 years of dealing with the most selfish, arrogant, pathetic man on the planet.. I have finally cut my father completely out of my life.

He called me [probably to ask for money again] and I let him have it. I unleashed the beast. I told him everything I've wanted to say for.. 16 years or so? I didnt cuss, I didnt cry, I didnt yell.. I was just honest and told him exactly what I think of him and how I feel. The phone call ended with him getting huffy and acting like I was being unreasonable.. lol.. and then he said "I wont bother you again". I said OK and hung up. I can only hope that he follows through on that. I doubt it though.

Of course, none of it got through to him. I'm sure of that. Nothing will ever get through to him. He was probably sitting there after I hung up licking his wounds and feeling sorry for himself.

OH WELL. I feel good. I feel liberated. I give not one flying fuck.

GOOD RIDDANCE!

Suddenly he looks like a LITTLE BOY now and not so much a baby anymore. :[
Time flies by SO much faster once you're watching your child grow.

♥


I'm on a new medicine now and the side effects have been crap. I've had a headache for 3 days and I've been extremely nauseous for half the day every day. :[ Hopefully the side effects will pass after a few days. Fingers crossed!

Wedding planning is going well. If you havent already, go look at my wedding blarg: WOMP
I dont update every day but I do update whenever something cool happens. :]

I'm SO FREAKING EXCITED for Vegas. Every day I get more and more and more and more stoked. :D
OMG I can NOT wait.

I've really slacked off on my exercise routine lately. Everyone call me or text me and tell me to get my fat ass on the treadmill please. I'm dead serious. Do it.
I have to lose at LEAST 20 more pounds before I will be OKAY with putting on a wedding dress. I'd like to lose more, but I could deal with just 20 more. I've lost 15 so far since I've ACTUALLY been trying.
And um.. I have to order my dress in December. So that's not very far away. :/

ZOINK

It's raining pretty hard outside. Maddox is playing quietly on the floor & I'm having a glass of wine. Bailey is picking up dinner and should be home any minute.

Despite all the money problems, stress, & stupid little things that we have going on in our lives.. we're ok. I need to remember this. Every day.

I love my family.
I love my friends.
They're not perfect, but they're mine.

I love my life.
It's not perfect either, but I really am lucky.

*big sigh of relief*



Let's see if I can keep this feeling for a bit.. <3

I am really missing Jimmy today. </3

http://jezebel.com/5341749/glamour-shocks-readers-by-featuring-plus%20siw-Þmodels-belly

♥

Why do things and people from my past always sneak up in my mind and FUCK with me?

I need closure. With several situations in my past, and I know I will never get it.

FUCK.

Today is mine & Bailey's anniversary!! Our last one before we get married!! haha.
He rushed home during his lunch break to bring me flowers <3333 aww
He rules.

Also, Ali will be here TOMORROW!! This week is so exciting! hahaha.

And lsp is getting on my nerrrves lately.