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she's a predator posing as a housepet..
..you're the worst thing thats ever happened to me.
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26th-Mar-2010 03:11 am(no subject)
doomsdayclock, lay_of_luthien, watchmen
i miss phil.
23rd-Mar-2010 03:52 am - the mist.
doomsdayclock, lay_of_luthien, watchmen
Something isn't right.

My doc changed my meds. Maybe that's it.
I am under an incredible amount of stress. Maybe that's it.
I want to put my brain in the washing machine.


So tell me when you hear my heart stop,
You're the only one that knows
Tell me when you hear my silence
There's a possibility I wouldn't know
So tell me when my silence's over
You're the reason why I'm closed
Tell me when you hear me falling
There's a possibility it wouldn't show
11th-Mar-2010 10:04 am - OMGGGGG
doomsdayclock, lay_of_luthien, watchmen
OK I LEGIT CRIED YALL <---clicky clicky clickyyyyy


"I'm going to fight for you, until your heart stops beating"

OH GOD. I AM 12. whatever. <3333333333333
7th-Mar-2010 01:37 am - *oh my*
doomsdayclock, lay_of_luthien, watchmen
It's been a million years since I've updated. I just got out of the habit forever ago and then when I finally got on to update again, fucking LJ gave my computer a virus. LAME. But anyway, here I go again.

I'm tipsy & absofrickinlutely delirious right now so this is going to be all over the place.

Bailey bought me a laptop for an early birthday present! :D I'm beyond stoked. I've seriously been using the same desktop computer for the last oh... 7 years? lol

I'll be married in less than a month. Holy crap. I need it to be here like, NOW. I'm so OVER planning it. lol. I just want it to BE HERE. We got the final copy of our contract today! And wedding gifts have been trickling in.. I feel like a dick but it really is so exciting! Every day when the mail or UPS or FED EX comes it's like Christmas in March! :D
I'm eating a salad out of a beautiful bowl from our new set of dishes & drinking a bourbon & coke out of one of our new Alice in Wonderland glasses <3

ALSO, I FINALLY HAD MY DRESS FITTING TODAY!!!! My dress was a fucking MONTH AND A HALF LATE coming in >:[ but whatever, I'm over it now because I love it. When I first put it on today I was totally UNDERwhelmed. It was just so blah and too long & it was big. But once I went up to alterations and they pinned it to fit me & shortened it considerably, I WAS SO HAPPY AND BACK MADLY IN LOVE WITH IT. <333333 April and I both cried. lol aw.

Oh and next Sunday we are going back there with Casey to look for HER wedding gown. :D So many weddings. I wish I could just plan weddings forever. I think I'd be so much better at planning OTHER people's weddings than my own. lol. Womp.

Ok, Maddox. lol. Maddox will be 2 in May! AAAAHHHHHH!!! And he is certainly in the 'terrible twos' stage already. He is such a little brat BUT he is still so precious. He said "LAH YOU" to me today for the first time and I swear to babey Jesus my lil heart almost exploded. I can't even ever explain how much I love that little boy. I love him so much that it physically HURTS. He's amazing. And I am not exaggerating or bullshitting at all when I say that he gives better hugs than anyone I have ever met in my entire life.
Oh my God. I love that child. <3

My life is pretty A+ right now. It has it's bad moments & sad moments but overall, I'm blessed. I have a beautiful son, a GREAT [ALMOST] husband, amazing friends and family all around. I can not wait for my wedding & reception. We get to see SO many people, all at once, it is going to be so overwhelming.

And omg I can't wait to see all the babeys in Vegas. It's so hard to explain how attached I am to these people after all these years. We don't always get along, but the love is definitely always there now. I'm so happy that we have all grown up and stopped being so fucking catty finally. LOL. Oh and we have weeded out the losers ::) [finallyyyy] It is going to be a babeylovefest of epic proportions and I am so so so just.. amazed that they are all coming out for our wedding. Amazed & honored. That sounds so cheesy but shit, I don't know how else to put it. SORRY. lol.

And OMG Ali is coming to the reception TOO. <3 This will be the first time ever that when we say goodbye in Vegas it won't be a CRYFEST because we'll be like 'OK SEE YA IN TWO WEEKS! WOO!'

Everything is so different now. In a good way. I feel refreshed. I am definitely stressed out ALL the time lately, and tired all day every day, and my back is in knots, BUT I look forward to the future every day. Good things are coming.

The times they are a'changin. I can feel it. And it feels GOOD.
21st-Oct-2009 09:28 am - DO WANT
doomsdayclock, lay_of_luthien, watchmen
omg. love.

12th-Oct-2009 04:38 pm - *i have a dress!!!*
doomsdayclock, lay_of_luthien, watchmen
I got my dress!!!! :D

It's here if you're interested!

It's NOT the first dress! It's the 2nd one. :]
I love it. It's like a wedding gown and a party dress had a cute little baby for me!

lol 'end you'.. but seriously. I will.

Anyway, wedding stuff is starting to all come together! :D

Maddox is insane. All the time. AND he's definitely already started the 'terrible twos'... before 18 months.. ugh. He's so damn cute though. GAHHHH

Bailey and I are awesome. I like him. He can stay.

Stuff with Mema is getting really hard again.. but at least now it's not because she's mean. The hostility has passed totally, now it's just how bad her memory has gotten & she is so weak & feeble now. She cant do anything by herself anymore. That includes bathroom stuff. :[ It's so sad. The day is quickly approaching that a nursing home will become a necessity but for now we are holding out as long as we can. Her mind is still there enough that it would kill her if we did it right now.

I've been seeing a therapist for a couple of months & I think it has helped me alot. I'm also taking Paxil now and it makes me SO tired during the day but it has definitely helped me out alot and in turn, helped out everyone around me, especially Bailey. Everything is much more pleasant now! Poor guy. I dont know how he deals with me most of the time. :[ But he does, and he is amazing.

Ok, I'm shutting up now. Maddox is going through my purse. Bye.
doomsdayclock, lay_of_luthien, watchmen
After 26 years of dealing with the most selfish, arrogant, pathetic man on the planet.. I have finally cut my father completely out of my life.

He called me [probably to ask for money again] and I let him have it. I unleashed the beast. I told him everything I've wanted to say for.. 16 years or so? I didnt cuss, I didnt cry, I didnt yell.. I was just honest and told him exactly what I think of him and how I feel. The phone call ended with him getting huffy and acting like I was being unreasonable.. lol.. and then he said "I wont bother you again". I said OK and hung up. I can only hope that he follows through on that. I doubt it though.

Of course, none of it got through to him. I'm sure of that. Nothing will ever get through to him. He was probably sitting there after I hung up licking his wounds and feeling sorry for himself.

OH WELL. I feel good. I feel liberated. I give not one flying fuck.

10th-Sep-2009 02:13 pm - *shut my mouth and strike the demons*
doomsdayclock, lay_of_luthien, watchmen

Suddenly he looks like a LITTLE BOY now and not so much a baby anymore. :[
Time flies by SO much faster once you're watching your child grow.

I'm on a new medicine now and the side effects have been crap. I've had a headache for 3 days and I've been extremely nauseous for half the day every day. :[ Hopefully the side effects will pass after a few days. Fingers crossed!

Wedding planning is going well. If you havent already, go look at my wedding blarg: WOMP
I dont update every day but I do update whenever something cool happens. :]

I'm SO FREAKING EXCITED for Vegas. Every day I get more and more and more and more stoked. :D
OMG I can NOT wait.

I've really slacked off on my exercise routine lately. Everyone call me or text me and tell me to get my fat ass on the treadmill please. I'm dead serious. Do it.
I have to lose at LEAST 20 more pounds before I will be OKAY with putting on a wedding dress. I'd like to lose more, but I could deal with just 20 more. I've lost 15 so far since I've ACTUALLY been trying.
And um.. I have to order my dress in December. So that's not very far away. :/

1st-Sep-2009 07:20 pm - *rain, rain, come and stay*
doomsdayclock, lay_of_luthien, watchmen
It's raining pretty hard outside. Maddox is playing quietly on the floor & I'm having a glass of wine. Bailey is picking up dinner and should be home any minute.

Despite all the money problems, stress, & stupid little things that we have going on in our lives.. we're ok. I need to remember this. Every day.

I love my family.
I love my friends.
They're not perfect, but they're mine.

I love my life.
It's not perfect either, but I really am lucky.

*big sigh of relief*

Let's see if I can keep this feeling for a bit.. <3
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